the 20th post in year 2011

Boxing day sales

It's 26/12 and it's a Boxing Day!!

Also meant by Shopping day..

Today is the first time in my life experiencing the craziness of shopping day..

The sales is really attractive and people's frenziness really caught up my attention.. Totally chaos!!

I can't get over how the bags and skincare are empty from the displays..

The worst is it was still early..

I thought me and jane are the earliest..

But it was unbelievable that people are already queuing to wait the shops to open..

Really tired and its a hilarious experience though..

Christmas in Manchester

It's Christmas eve..

Well, is not going well as I've expected..

I have no idea that there's no one in the street and its so quite during christmas here..

the worst thing is the town is close at 5pm and bus services stop at 6pm..

Kinda disappointing actually..

Anyway, is ok though..

I just can't wait for new year eve!!

I'm going to London!!

当我们同在一起

刚看完这部电视剧。。这是我看得第四次了。。

真是百看不厌！！

看着这部戏让我回想到年轻时的我，

做过不少让父母担心的事，

老是跟弟弟妹妹打架骂架。。

因为这样常常被爸爸打，甚至离家出走过。。

还记得以前我很讨厌我家人呢。。

以前老是跟邻居朋友到处跑。。

什么游戏都玩过，真的跟戏里一摸一样。。

现在每个人都长大了，有些邻居也都搬走了。。

以前一起玩一起闹事的朋友都不知道变成怎么样了。。

小时候新年时一想到要回婆婆家见亲戚一定开兴得睡不着！

以前跟表姐和表哥也常吵架，每次会玩到其中一个人哭。。

还记得婆婆家有舞狮，我跟弟弟妹妹还有亲戚一定躲在楼梯口远远的看。。

现在，舞狮都没了。表姐新年也不回去过了。。我也没得回去过年。。

两个表哥都就快结婚了。。妹妹也说新年变得不好玩了。。

我们每个人都长大了，也都变了。。

小学时，天天跟好朋友留下来在学校玩，

还为了参加跳舞比赛功课每天不做，

最讨厌去学校被老师骂还有打，尤其是数学课。。

也记得我第一次写情书给我第一个喜欢的人。。

都过了十多年，我跟他现在还是朋友。。

每次谈回去小学的回忆我们一定都在吵架。。真好笑。。

小学毕业时还跟对方约定长大要一起结婚！天啊，想到这个真的笑死了！！

中学时，老是敲课。。

虽然当了两年的巡察员，因为当时不懂事还跟大姐大串通做她们的‘间谍’。。

然后叫她们欺负那些我看不爽的人。。甚至害到一位女同学停学。。

想回去以前的我，根本就喜欢故意闹事迎人注目。。真是幼稚！！

虽然还蛮刺激的啦。。哈哈！

幸好SPM让我乖乖读书，做个平凡的学生。。

中五那年是最快乐，因为成立了六叶死神社。。

当时班上的人都知道我们六个人是不可以分开的。。

一个人没来上课，另外五个就不来！

六叶死神社，现在的每个都有自己的路走。。

以前常常一起出街，打篮球，上课一起睡觉的我们都不一样了。。

进学院时，是我活到现在最快乐的时刻。。

我很幸运的遇到了好多很好的朋友。。

对我来说，我们班上的每一个人都是好人。。

虽然经历过不少冲突又互相看不爽，但快乐的回忆仍然最多。。

那些快乐，到现在还是无法找回的。。

我在他们当中找到了两个最好的朋友。。

为什么那两年的生活是多么的简单？不需要想些复杂的东西。。

找到工作后，一切变得不一样了。。

每个人的思想也没这么简单了。。

不管什么事情都不能单纯的解决。。

我变了，好朋友也都变了。。

虽然我又回去读书，可是还是找不回那份快乐。。

我知道我还年轻，我的人生才刚要开始，我还要经历的还很多。。

可是看完这电视剧后让我回想到这二十年我是怎么过的。。

我想以前的我万万也不会想到总有一天我会出国读书。。

我懂了，我知道家人不管怎样还是最重要的。。

不管我以前曾经多讨厌我父母和弟妹，

我现在知道他们才是这辈子不管怎样会站在我这边的人。。

我很满足我现在的生活，我要好好的过我的人生。。

不做后悔的事情。。真的很感谢一个人曾经的叫我怎么在社会上生活。。

也很感谢我的好朋友，会听我诉苦还有支持我。。

我会好好加油的！！

每次看完这部戏一定让我想到很多，害我写到这么长!

不过这电视剧真的很不错！！我一定会再看的。。

没能力的我们

人生真的很难过。。

当你觉得很无助的时候很想告诉一个人。。

可是却没一个肯听你说，明白和了解你的人。。

说给部队的人听只是得到相反的安慰或回复。。

就只能把所有事请写在这个没意义的部落格。。

人啊，就算把不开兴的事请讲出来给再好的听者听也没用。。

因为他们永远都不会明白我们心里说感受到的痛。。

到最后，还是要自己承担。。

自己的事情自己解决。。

我很羡慕她们，

因为她们有能力见到她们的家人。。

假期快到了，

全部都跑回家见父母。。

甚至还有幸福到父母来找她们。。

我呢？？

只能呆在房里不做什么。。

哪都不能去！！

因为我没能力。。

我可以生气，讨厌她们吗？？

因为我羡慕。。

凭什么还要叫我陪她带她家人走走呢！！

看你怎样花你妈的钱吗？！

我当然不能讨厌或生气啦。。

她们有能力也不是她们的错。。

只能怪我太想家了吧。。

现在后悔也没用。。

只能往好的方向去想咯。。

Useless me

I hope i can found a job here..

I don't want to be my mom's burden..

I've told myself that i cant rely on anyone once i step in UK..

But look at me now..

Still the same old me.. *Well, maybe a little bit change on the obstinate part*

But still!

Need someone to accompany all the time..

Can't be alone anytime..

The worst part is, I'm even get angry at people who ignored me...

Not independent enough!!

I want to change myself..

How could it be that hard..

I wanna show to my family and my friends..

I want to reduce my mom's burden..

I'm such a useless person!!!

I just realized it..

How sad...

That moment when you're falling apart and nobody even fucking notice...

It's hard to stay positive if there's nothing goes right...

Got this sentences somewhere..

'You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you! You fight! You cry! You curse! Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.'

Life is about how you force yourself to stay live...

Depression??

Few more hours gonna be 21st years old...

Never think that i will end up celebrate my 21st in overseas..

But, lately i'm having some kind of depression..

That's what my housemate told me...

Everyday wake up early and feeling nervous for no reason...

Maybe because of the assignment and something going on here..

Especially this week..

Birthday is a very important thing to me..

But i'm not in the mood to celebrate it now...

I feel like everything going on is not right...

every minutes i feel like angry and crying all the time...

I don't want to celebrate my 21st in this condition...

I wanna go somewhere alone and just sit there whole day...

i just want someone to be here...

So badly....

='''(

Existence

People always told their best friends what ever things they experienced..

It would make more comfortable to say it out..

But I feel so hard to tell out my feelings..

Kinda difficult to interpret the words in my mind...

So, i'm always be the listener..

I have a lot of thinking in mind but cant sat it out..

Blog is the only place i can write it down everything in my mind...

So hard to understand my existence in this world..

Am i the person who always be there for someone when only they need me...

Or i'm just a person who can be a listener and give advises to people who complaints in front of me...

Am i a bad person to ignore those people only care about me when they need my help?

and completely ignore me and reject me when i try to find them???

Sometimes you never realize how much you like someone,

until you watch them liking someone else..

<3

Dream

Dream..

it's weird for you to appear in my dream almost every night..

But the fact is, you are always on my mind and never want to go away..

Who's fault is it??

Is me...

I get this phrase somewhere..

"Feelings that come back,

Is the feelings that never go away"

<3

Cheshire Day Trip

Went to Chester on 011/10..

The started with a disaster which Jane just woke up whereby we suppose to leave the house in 15 mins..

I was shocked when she messaged me that she just woke up..

Well, of course I forced her to get ready where she already gave up not to go with us..

Luckily, we manage to arrive the bus station by 10 am..

But then another disaster..

The tickets was fully booked..

And one of the staff told us to get there by train..

So we walked to the train station and managed to reach Chester..

It was a tired journey becoz of the HOT weather!!

I'm tanned in the whole journey!!

Hate sun so much.. gosh~

After we finally reach Chester..

There's another disaster where 3 of us had no idea how to go to Cheshire Oaks..

So we walked and asked people around in the city center for 2 hours!

And we finally managed to get to there...

After reach Cheshire Oaks..

We had lunch in McD

(try to get Pizza Express but have to wait for 1.5 to get our table..=.=)

We start our shopping after everything settled down..

And there it goes again..

My shopaholic mental starts to buy everything that i saw..

"It was so damn cheap!!!

When and where else can I get these things if i don't get it now!!"

that was on my mind at the whole time i was there..

For all i know, I just spend almost £200..

But no regrets, I bought a lot of branded things with cheap price^^

And we went back after 'photo session'

Is a nice trip though!

Forget

I should make myself busier..

I should make myself happier..

I should make myself to smile everyday..

JUST TO LET ME FORGET YOU..

SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PLACE TO BE IN MY MIND...

<3

*My Heaven - Big Bang*

Heard this song in seoul fm just now...

It's so weird that listening to this song with this kind of environment..

I used to listen to this song like 4 - 5 times a day..

Brought back all my memories in cherating...

We used to listen to this song in our old car looking at the star...

we even said this song was very annoying..

Keep listening to it like 24/7 for 3 months...

But it sound so unfamiliar to me when i listen to it again...

I miss the beach, the old car, the empty house..

every memories we had in Cherating..

Time just passed so fast like i didn't realized had been a year and a half...

We used to live together..

Cleaned our house together..

Had dinner together..

Do almost everything together!!

Now, 6 of us barely contact..

I even end up live in Manchester now..

What will happen to us another year and a half??

Wen, Howie, Ren, Zhe, Shell..

I miss u guys so much!!!

SomeBody

No matter where I go in this damn world..

There always times that where the only place i want to be is right next to you...

<3

Be yourself and STOP trying to be anyone else!

Lee JunHo.. My emperor!

CUTE!! HOT!! SEXY!!

I miss him so much..

Love his photoshoot for Singles Magazine..

Definitely exploding my ovaries..

Haha, as in tumlr says...

New Life in Manchester

Almost a week..

Everything's seems different here..

trying hard to get use to the environment here..

I know i shouldn't said this now..

But i really wanna go home!!

I miss my family, friends and the environment in Malaysia..

Need to keep remind myself the reason I've chosen this path for my future..

I need to prove everyone that i can be independent!!

Gonna start my class tomorrow..

I'm nervous..

So many question in my head..

can i make any new friends here?

will i understand what will going on tomorrow?

can i really survive the rest of the year???

Those questions driving me crazy!

maybe i just think too much..

I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!

FRIENDSHIP

What do you mean by friendship??

Since people are so flexible and easy to change...

Is there any long last friendship???

For me,

Friendship was much bigger than everything...

So I appreciate everyone who willing to call me as friend...

But once they broke my heart..

It feels sucks and will leave a eternity scar...

Friendship only occur when we really do care about someone...

And that someone do care about us...

But what if only we care and willing to do everything without any feedback from them??

Is this also so call friendship??

For me,

YES!!

If I treat that person as a friend..

No matter how she treat me...

I still look him/her as a friend...

But for some person...

It was a useless sacrifice..

Trying to teach me how to be selfish and able to said "No"..

So,

Should I??

2010 Memories~

had been so long didn't update my blog...

Been like a year..

Well, it is a new year now...

Is 2011 now...

I was supposed to update the last post in 2010..

But I've forgotten..

Anyway, everything I need to said actually is the same though..

I wanted to write down what I had been through in year 2010.

For me, year 2010 was a fulled with experience year..

Kindly same like year 2008..

But experiences in year 2010 was kindly like an adult experience...

I had my internship,

I had my 1st permanent job,

I had my graduation,

I had my 1st salary,

I had my 1st touch screen phone^^

Although my favorite year is still year 2008, but year 2010 was not bad...

Except the part we graduate and had to be apart with my best friends...

Well, I can say that this year also the year where people started to change..

Change to be more matured...

In this new year...

2011, I'm going to be 21...

Is the time for me to turn adult...

I do really need to change...

I must be independent..

Even though sometimes I hate myself so much,

But I need to change myself to a better person...

I have a big target this year!

I want to be mature enough...

No matter what happen,

I need to be strong!

New life is coming...