Just want to be a better person

I've been leaving this blog once again..

I know that i've decided to update more when i'm in UK..

As what i've written before, i want to write everythng that happened here.. 

But it seems like i've lost my words, so just put is like this.. 

I'm gonna update here whenever i want but i DEFINITELY not gonna abandoned my dear blog..

This is the only place i can write about my true heart feeling (well, besides my twitter as there i canonly write limited words)

Anyway, i'll write down my true feelings here next time (when i feel like writing or typing?^^)

I had a lot of things on my mind these few months in UK.. Just that i have no urge to write it down here..

Update most of my feelings in twitter though..

I feel like writing now, and i'm going to continue this topic which i've saved in my draft for months...

I doubt what people think about me..

Every time i communicate with people, their thought about myself is bothering me like a lot...

Since i came here, i cant find any true people anymore..

I though that i've found a best friend but turned out we're completely stranger.. Not really stranger just can't be around together oftenly as we used to be..

I have quite amount of friends here but yet, how can i feel so lonely?? 

This is not me like when i'm in college..

I thought that if i'm back to study, i can found the joy and happiness that i had during college time..

But that not the case, i get to feel lonely quite a lot..

I've no thrust at people here, i have no idea what they think about my personality...

I admitted that sometimes i act like a total bitch  but everyone have their own weaknesses right.. 

I can tolerate other people's flaws because i know that it's her/ his nature..

But what do my friends think about my weakness.. I get angry easily at times and being impatiens.. The way i put on words might be quite harsh sometimes but i don't mean it..

Do they look me as their real friends too? like i treat them as my real friends..

Friends are not supposed to backstabbing right???

Honestly, i never want to be a bad person.. i just want to be myself and i pursue people who love to be friends with me understand my personality...

i never had any problems before this but people here are too complicated..

Maybe i'm too naive to think that everyone can accept other people attitude..

Because i was too considerate of people thought, i've become a bit of anti social i supposed?

I hate being around stranger, i can't stand fake people..

I over think what other people will think if i talk..

This is not me, this is not who i am last few years...

What should i do? :'(